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100 reasons it’s great to be a guy

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. No need to sit when you pee. 3. You know stuff about tanks. 4. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. 5. Monday Night Football. 6. Tools. 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 8. You瓧?瓨

20 George Carlin - Things to think about

1. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? 2. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 3. How is it possible to have a civil war? 4. If God dropped acid, would he see people? 5. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown 瓧?瓨

12 Ways to tell if your a "Hightech Redneck"

If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com" If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page" If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop" If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wess瓧?瓨

10 Signs your at a bad zoo

10.When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are giving you the finger. 9.The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 8.The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 7.The Zoo瓧?瓨

10 Ways to Tell If Your Company is Going Under

1. They start paying everyone in sea shells. 2. The Dairy Queen on the corner is threatening a hostile takeover. 3. When you say, "See you tomorrow," the watchman laughs uncontrollably. 4. The chairman walks by your desk and says, "Hey, Hey! Easy on t瓧?瓨

1999 Darwin Award Winners

For those sheltered few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Awards. These awards are given annually to those individuals who did the most for the human gene pool by removing themselves from it. Darwin Award winners eliminate themselves in an ex瓧?瓨

2000 Darwin Award Winners

They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the person who provided the universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, co瓧?瓨

Bill Gates

Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five-dollar cars that get 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to瓧?瓨

The Work Virus

The Work Virus This is serious ... a "WORK" virus is on the loose... If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via e-mail, Internet, or simply handed to you by a colleague ... DO NOT OPEN IT! The "work" virus has been circulating round our buildin瓧?瓨

Laws Of Unreliability

1.Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. 2.At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. 3.Any system which depends on h瓧?瓨

Programmer’s Translation

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED... We are still pissing in the wind. 2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM... We just hired three kids fresh out of college. 3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION... We kn瓧?瓨

Top 10 Signs You’ve Got A Bad ISP...

1.Their company logo is two tin cans and a length of string. 2.You check out their address, and it's a phone booth containing a Compaq portable and an acoustic coupler. 3. Their chief technical officer lives in a 10-foot-by-7-foot shack in the woods. 瓧?瓨

Why E-mail is like a penis...

Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think that it's not worth the fuss瓧?瓨

Men & Women: The Difference

MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and shouldn't be seen by the ligh瓧?瓨

Training Courses for Men

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop 2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge 3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding 4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead 5. Design Pattern or Spla瓧?瓨

Men and their tools!

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you d瓧?瓨

Going to the Bar?

This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out into town and party, so he says to his new bride, "Honey, I'll be right back..." "Where are you going coochi cooh...?" asks his wife. "I'm go瓧?瓨

Only when he’s drunk!

A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, "What's the problem officer?" Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone." Man: "No sir, I was going 65." Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer瓧?瓨

Rules to be a Man!!!

1. Don't call, ever. 2. If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself. 3. Lie. 4. lie. 5. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed it to them. 6. Here's a good pickup li瓧?瓨

The Man Dictionary

"IT'S A GUY THING" Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES瓧?瓨

Light Bulb Jokes

How many witches does it take to change a Light bulb? Depends on what you want it changed into... How many T.V. evangelists does it take to change a Light bulb? One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your tax-deductible dona瓧?瓨

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